One couldn’t make this up:

• S.KOREA TO HOLD EMERGENCY MEETING ON JAN. 26 TO DISCUSS MARKETS

Bloomberg has the details: South Korea Vice Finance Minister Choo Kyung Ho will host an emergency meeting tomorrow at 11 a.m. with counterparts from Bank of Korea and financial regulators to discuss market instabilities in emerging economies including Argentina, ministry says in text message.

So what happens if there is a, gasp, 5% drop from all time S&P500 highs – Janet Yellen shows up on every TV channel and tells broke viewers now is the time to buy stocks and pay for them in 4 easy installments using their favorite EBT card. What about a 10% correction: the army gets mobilized? And should the unthinkable happen and the centrally-planned “market” crash by 20% then nothing short of DefCon 1 and a 24/7 curfew would be acceptable.

We joke, but this is what happens in a time when the “confidence” of the entire world is defined by the daily move straight line higher in the S&P, and the tiniest derivation from this path results in sheer panic.